Brush Strokes

Michelangelo did the ceiling of Sistine,

Tidied up and then left the site pristine,

But a lack of restraint

Made him use too much paint

And it dripped on a tourist called Christine

Maria callous

Got a mortgage? Get the public to pay;
Join Parliament, have a few grand away;
Make a false application,
Screw over the nation:
Home free*, but say sorry, okay?


*see what I did there?

Shining Example

A Citroën C4 Picasso

Could improve with a coating of Brasso

Add a soupçon of lard

But don't rub too hard

Or you may well end up in El Paso

Dyson With Death

Despite a side-stepping manoeuvre,

My auntie was killed by her hoover;

She was living in France

When the flex snagged her pants

Now her statue's on show in the Louvre.

Never a cross word

"Prosper, like Homepride" *brackets 8*
For all cryptic crossword fans, wait!
No clue restitution,
You'll want the solution,
It's "flourish", don't it make you irate?  

Football mad

'You'll Never Walk Alone' is a song
Which the scousers sing loudly and long;
When you walk through a storm,
Try and keep your head warm
But if I were you, I'd lose the thong.

In the Baker's Arms

We stopped at the pie shop of Gregg
Near the end of our M40 leg;
A Yum-Yum for me
(At a mere 80 pee)
A hot roll: bacon, sausage, with egg.